Weight Loss Journey #2:

After five weeks of carefully counting calories I am officially FIVE pounds lighter.  It's been a long time since I've lost any weight--high school was the last time I dieted successfully.  I'm losing at a healthy one pound a week so far.

There have been a lot of adjustments in my eating--little adjustments really.  I now measure out my food to the exact serving.  I have a scale I use for making soap and it has been converted into a daily kitchen tool.  I write down everything I eat, no matter how small.  One of my favorite foods--peanuts--is out the door completely.  There are too many calories for a small amount of food, and despite the protein in them, I was still feeling hungry.  I've switched to a healthier source, Bell Plantation PB2 Powdered Peanut Butter. It's not quite the same flavor as peanut butter, but it's pretty good, and you can use it super easy in cooking and smoothies/shakes.

The other problem I had was chocolate.  I didn't know I was a binge eater until I started writing down calories, but I binge chocolate big time.  I know depriving yourself will make you fail, so I still let myself have a bit of chocolate every day.  I've had a few 'relapse' days, but the next day I go right back to healthy eating.

So far the biggest problem I've been having is getting enough protein.  I'm a pasta/veggies/cheese kind of girl. Meat is so not my thing, but I've been forcing myself to eat it.  At work I was eating a veggie sandwich and ending up starving at the end of the night.  Now I add a few slices of cold-cut meat to it and the hunger isn't there any more.  I still don't like doing it, and I try to eat ethically sourced protein whenever I can, but it's really not in the budget, as I am also so very poor.

I havent seen any difference in my body yet, but i hope I will in time.  I'd like to be down two pants sizes at least by the end of this--from a 14 to at least a 10.  Size 8 would be amazing, but I haven't been a size 8 since middle school, so I really don't see that happening.

There's a full-body picture of me from middle school graduation.  I'm wearing a knee-length tan dress and my legs are absolutely gazelle-like.  I was already a size 8 at that point. (I'd grown out of my mother's size 4 clothing in the 6th grade.)  I wish that little girl had known how beautiful she looked, because she didn't have a clue.  All she knew was that boys made fun of her chest and it made her so very uncomfortable.

I guess I never really agonized over my body.  I just put on XL t-shirts and pretended it wasn't there.  (I was a size medium by the way.)  Everyone thought I was huge because that was the impression I have them.  Later, when I started learning how to dress people asked me if I'd lost weight.  I would answer with, "No, I'm just wearing clothes that fit."

There are so many things I wish I had done differently.  One of them was dressing to show off my body instead of hiding it.  I know now that it was a good one. A great one even.  I wish someone had told me that.

Five pounds gone. 26 to go.